Tuesday, 8 November 2016

The cost...

My husband and I have been on a journey for the last year and a half, I realize all of life is a journey but this part of our journey has been an intentional time of waiting.  Waiting on where the LORD would take us, where He would lead us to serve.  Closing our business because the door was being squeezed shut.  

My husband was sitting in church on a Good Friday...the day we remember our Saviour who gave up everything, the very breath in His lungs to die our death that we would have life.  Sensing the LORD asking him, if you could do anything you wanted what would it be and his answer...full time ministry serving You...the Servant Leader.  And so we shut down the business that was already dying.  Oh we could have resurrected it just as our Saviour could have saved Himself from that cross but we really felt we weren't to do that...that we had to let it go...give it up and follow where the LORD would take us even though we didn't know what that would look like.

And so for the last eighteen months we've waited, we've listened, we've entered through open doors and opportunities, never entirely sure of where we were headed but willing to enter into what was placed before us trusting it was all going somewhere.  It hasn't always been easy, I have felt lost along the way...wondering what LORD...where LORD are you taking us.  Being tired of the waiting...impatient at times with a sense of just wandering in the dark.  It has been more difficult for my husband because he's the man...he's the provider and waiting doesn't give you a paycheque. At times he's wondered if he's just crazy but choosing to push forward in the waiting anyway...even if he looked crazy to others because he had committed to the LORD that he would lay it all down.

The end of September my husband left to help our daughter who was going through a difficult situation.  We didn't know when he'd return and he ended up being away for four weeks. I can't share all the details but it was in those four weeks, the places he had to go and the areas he had walk with people that he knew his heart was in the place where the LORD would have him be.  In the waiting and stepping into whatever situation was before him he found what he had been waiting for.  If the door opened here he knew it was the door the LORD would have him walk through.

My husband flew home on a Thursday and a week later we headed back to our daughter's together, so that I could see her and to investigate more into the place where my husband's heart had come alive and to find out if this was where the LORD was calling us to serve.  We had some time with our daughter and then early in the week we had a meeting with some people after which we headed out for a few days away to Cape Breton with just the two of us...time to think and pray in regards to all that had happened in the last month.

As we were driving my husband asked me "so, what did you think...what do you feel about all of this?"  In the mean time I get a few texts from home there's some trouble going on there and my heart is pained.  I'm not sure what I feel anymore and so we leave the discussion to another time so I can just think about it for a while. 

We have seven hours of driving ahead of us and so eventually we do talk about it.  What comes up is the cost, what all of this will cost us and me especially.  Not that it won't cost my husband anything but it's just different for me for this heart of mine who has been a mom for so long and now a grandmother.  I had to count the cost...could I pay the price, would I be willing to let go of the life I have to follow my husband and to be a part of where the LORD could be calling us.  I was reminded how Jesus my Saviour gave up everything to go where the Father had sent Him.  He gave up the glories of heaven to enter into this broken sin filled world as a totally dependent baby.  He grew up as any child would and during His ministry He walked among the broken, the sinful, the outcasts, the unwanted, the haughty and He touched them with His love and truth.  He walked right to His death, a death I could not imagine...a death so that I would have life if I too would choose to follow Him.

His cost to follow His Father was great...it was everything.  I am reminded of the verse Matthew 8:20, someone says to Jesus I will follow you wherever you go and Jesus replies to him.  "Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head."  He gave up EVERYTHING.

We arrive at our cottage in Cape Breton around 7:30 to the sound of the ocean waves crashing against the shore.  The cottage is beautiful and cozy.  My husband starts the wood stove and it becomes even cozier...reminds me of home and I feel relaxed.  We have a nice dinner of baked potatoes, bbq'ed pork chops and salad, watch a bit of TV and then head to bed.  I go to bed thinking of our conversation and the cost. 

The next morning as we're doing our devotions I read Luke 14:25 -35, The Cost of Being a Disciple.  I read the verses and I've read them many times but for the first time the depth and meaning of those verses hit me, my heart was opened to them.  

Large crowds are following Jesus, they probably knew of the miracles He'd done, the healing's, the feeding of the five thousand, etc, some of them may have even been recipients of His miracles. He turns to them and says: "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters --- yes, even his own life --- he cannot be my disciple.  And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple."  Of course He wasn't meaning to literally "hate" but in that He's saying will you love Me more then any of these other relationships, will you love me more than your own comfort. Are you willing to give up EVERYONE and EVERYTHING in order to follow Me?  Whatever "cross" you are asked to bear...will you bear it?

He then goes on to talk about counting the cost.  "Suppose one of you wants to build a tower.  Will he not first sit down and estimate the cost to see if he has enough money to complete it?  For if he lays the foundation and is not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule him, saying, "This fellow began to build and was not able to finish."  

Here's what I heard in the above verse.  People can enter into some form of ministry, it can be exciting at the beginning, their ideas can be wonderful and they can be honestly and sincerely wanting to follow the LORD but then they realize the cost too late and they can't follow through...they quit...they turn back.  And it hit me...Tina...the cost...have you counted the cost...can you pay it?  I realized at that moment...yes I have and I can in Christ as painful as it could be because my heart was to follow my Saviour...my LORD...wherever He would call me.

Things to be thankful for...

2768. Morning call from a friend
2769. Tea, walk and conversation with a friend
2770. First bit of snow

2771. Beautiful fall colours as we drive out east
2772. Relaxing drive with my husband
2773. Snow covered pines and beautiful sunshine

2774. Seeing Jocelyne
2775. Walking uptown Saint John

2776. Walking Tin Can Beach with Jocelyne searching for beach glass
2777. Chatting with a woman on the beach who was searching for beach glass too

2778. Visit with Aliyah
2779. Card game with Jocelyne and my husband
2780. Matt home safely from B.C.
2781. Afternoon hike with Jocelyne
2782. Beautiful views and trails

2783. Sunshine glistening on the water

2784. Chat with Charissa
2785. Skype call with Will, Amy and Lily
2786. God provides
2787. God directs our paths
2788. Trip to Costco with Jocelyne
2789. Meeting with hearts and vision shared
2790. Seeing Dan and chatting for a bit
2791. Beautiful scenery as we head to Cape Breton
2792. Arrived at our cottage to the crashing sound of the ocean 
2793. Morning prayer by the ocean, the sound of the rolling waves crashing against the shore
2794. Cozy cottage with a warm fire
2795. The majesty of God's creation

2796. The mighty power of the ocean

2797. Beautiful hike with my husband
2798. Saw three moose
2799. The beauty of the fog

We came across this ruffed grouse, he didn't fly away but stood up straight and started flapping his wings like crazy.  The male ruffed grouse is territorial and does this to proclaim his property rights, it's called drumming and is also done in the spring to attract females.

I asked this big guy to stand for his picture but he refused :)

2800. Majestic views

2801. Chatting with a couple from Germany who've been travelling across Canada for three months
2802. Luke 14: 25 - 35...the cost
2803. Sunrise on the ocean

2804. Blue skies
2805. More beautiful scenery

2806. A hike overlooking the highlands

2807. Choices made...a new direction
2808. One more night with Jocelyne before heading home
2809. A gift from Jocelyne
2810. A final game of Phase 10
2811. Heading home
2812. Beautiful pink skied sunrise
2813. All the driving my husband has done
2814. Home
2815. The armour of God Ephesians 6: 10 - 18
2816. You are stronger, sin is broken, You have saved me
2817. The sound of falling leaves
2818. Quiet morning doing chores
2819. Visit with a sick friend
2820. Our health care system
2821. Beautiful fall day
2822. Kitchen cleaned by Charissa



1 comment:

  1. Love your honesty. Prayers for you and your husband as you consider a new path.