Sunday, 7 April 2013

One Thousand Gifts...Days 92 ~ 96

I used to wonder how the Israelites could so quickly forget what the LORD had done for them when He lead them out from Egypt and the heavy hand of slavery.  They witnessed so many miracles, God provided for them day after day and yet no sooner were they into their journey and they wanted to head back to the familiar…the yoke of slavery…because what was before them was unknown and seemed too difficult to walk out day after day.

Yet I realize I am no different than those Israelites…

God has freed me through His Son Jesus, He has called and chosen me…I am His…He is mine but I so often choose to live as a slave and not a freed woman.  So you see I am no different than the ones who trekked through that dry and barren wilderness all those many years ago…the ones who grumbled and complained.  The ones who had their bellies filled and their thirst quenched day after day by a God who loved and set them free, who had so much He wanted to give them, yet they were blinded by their own weakness, sin, brokenness and selfishness.  And so He kept them wandering in that wilderness,  never receiving the full blessing because they refused to put their trust in Him.

Day after day God has provided for this woman and yet I am blinded by my own weaknesses, sin, brokenness and selfishness…I am one of them…wandering at times in my own wilderness of self doubt, refusing to trust and believe the very One who set me free…the very One who calls me by name.  

He is the One who created my inmost being, who set my days before me.  He knows me…me…all of me and yet I shrink away and believe the lies rather than His truths.

That He has a plan for me.  I am His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works which He prepared in advance for me to do.  He knows this life of mine intimately…I am His…do I believe that in ever part of this heart of mine.  

Or would I rather wander in the wilderness of insecurity.

Or the wilderness of not measuring up, of being less than.  

How about the wilderness of the approval of man rather than the approval of God.

And this one, the wilderness of the seeker of attention, look at me, look what I have accomplished.

I struggle with my place in this world and yet He says I know you Tina, you are Mine…I have a place for you at my table, that only you can fill.  I have a work for you to do…you.  Will you do it…will you trust Me and Me alone.

Even when the lies come rushing in.  When the insecurities flood your heart and threaten to sink you, will you believe Me.  I am the God of the universe, I made it all and I want to give you the desires of your heart if you would but delight in Me…trust Me…look to Me and only Me…that is true security…that is the best approval of all and the best attention of all…Me and only Me.  

I am the only One who can lead you through this wilderness…through this life unshackled. 

I hear Him and yet I still struggle, maybe not every day but in my weak moments I hear the whispers.  You're not good enough, they're way better than you, you're not beautiful enough, there's someone else he'd much more desire than you.  I feel ashamed to even voice these things.  My husband knows these struggles of mine, it's old news and yet it's news I get out time and time again. 

And so we lay in bed one night and again I'm struggling, the old news comes out, every where I look this world is filled with the images of beautiful women and I hear the whispers…

But here's what this husband of mine says to me:

"God has created "woman" beautiful.
God has created "man" with a desire for "woman."
God has called man to give that love to one woman only.

I have chosen you out of all the beautiful women to commit my love and devotion to.
I have called you beautiful.
In my eyes I see you as beautiful, physically, but more importantly in who you are is beautiful.

When you reject that love, or let what the world says and shows stand in the way, it speaks to me that you don't accept that I have fully given myself to you.

You cannot change what is out there.
You need to accept and embrace, celebrate the face that you have been chosen, set apart for me to love and give myself for.
I have embraced that.

Christ did that for the Church…

Will you.

The world has many lovers, and daily I have to give you my love, my life and devotion, just as we do with our relationship with Christ."

And these heart words of his it's like they bounce around inside this heart of mine having a hard time rooting in.  Would I rather believe the world or the truth?  

Days later I have to ask him to write down what he said because I've lost those words.  I am again reminded of the Israelites and how they so often forgot all the LORD had done for them.

Would I rather follow my Lord through the wilderness knowing I am His and He is mine or go back to Egypt…the place of bondage…slavery…death…

After forty years of wandering, a generation passes and the LORD sets these words before them from Deuteronomy 30:19, 20a: "This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses.  Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to His voice, and hold fast to HimFor the LORD is your life…"  

And so, does this woman choose life and run after Him…I want to…

Daily I must surrender this broken heart into His Hands, the only One who can hold it securely and mold it to all He would have it be.  This is the desire of my heart…my heart in His Hands living out of that place.

And so maybe one day the old news will be just that, old news, never to be read again...

One Thousand Gifts journaled for days 92 ~ 96

274. Road trip with my husband
275. Visit with my Oma who 98 and my Aunts and Uncle
276. Missionaries who head out into remote places to spread the Gospel
277. Looking out the window and seeing my mom and dad heading on a walk together
278. A returned loved one
279. Ephesians 2:10
280. Clothes drying outside on the line
281. Wise son's words
282. Our Church council - their leadership
283. Out for a nice walk with Matt and Silas
284. Sunshine
285. Missed this one so it's blank
286. Beautiful clear blue skies
287. Nice Spring walk with the girls
288. A quiet evening



  1. Lovely post, Tina. You are blessed to have a Father and a husband who love you and want the best for you!

    So wonderful you still have a grandmother to love!

    Just wondering which lens you used on the images below the one with yall and your grandmother?

  2. Love the honesty, Tina! You. Are. Beautiful. xo

  3. Hi Tina,

    You are beautiful, you know. I hear you, and understand the voices that cry out, deceiving us about what true beauty is, but you are a woman, and you are beautiful. With an eye for photography too...

    Nice to meet you. I'm hopping over from Ann's link up to count gifts with you. Thanks for letting me peek in.

    Jennifer Dougan