Thursday, 4 April 2013

Where There is Light Darkness Flees...

This is a guest post from my oldest son Will.  He was struggling the other night and this is what came out of it...I'm sure many can relate to some of these insecurities in one way or another.

I’m sick, I’m stressed.  I’m hurt.  This is tough, this new reality forces me to face the demons of my past and those wounds which still have not surrendered to the wounds you faced on the cross.  This new reality forces my hand and I react in a way which tells the tale of a boy who still was and not the man who is now.  I don’t want to, and I restrain, but it hurts.  It’s painful, it’s reminiscent of all the pain I caused before. 

It’s through pain and sacrifice and darkness that you brought power and sufficiency and delight.

These are growing pains, labour before the cries of the joyous newborn.

I don’t know why this stings so much though, it’s frightening and it makes me want to run, to hide, to avoid, to give up and give in and let the shadow of night overtake before the rising of the sun that’s yet to come.

Another night spent battling against the evil one and it wears me down; I didn’t sleep.  
Forget the pillow and clench your hands together; get on your knees.

But it was a new day, and the sun shone through a crack in the wall where the crumbling mortar once held a brick so firm.

And that ray of sun glimmered and danced its way down into the depths of the darkness, cutting to the heart of things.

And that ray of sun brought with it the reality of the stone being rolled away, just like the light cutting through the belly of the earth which could not hold the glory of the Son.

And that ray of sun pushes me on to keep pounding at the wall;
One brick at a time.

I prayed my heart out last night; three, four times.  I was in that place again, bringing feelings of rejection on myself for no reason at all.   I don’t even know where they came from at first, and then I read into everything else that followed and built a case against myself.  Rejection - that was the root.  The fear of that pain that has been felt all too often: on the bus, on the soccer field, those names, those people - It all came flooding back, not the examples, but the root.  It stuck like a twisted, rusted, knife in my heart and then he wrenched it with the thought of never, EVER being accepted.  Always starting out with the hope of something beautiful, but always coming to the bitter reality that I would never be good enough, or be accepted, or be loved, or be CHOSEN.

All of this after a great weekend. 

All of this after the celebration of Christ’s resurrection. 

All of this after the defeat of every single thought and word and feeling that comes from the pit. 

Continue to make new, those places that are not surrendered.  I pray over those places that they will submit to the Lordship of your Son.  They’ve been nailed on the cross, and you’ve brought resurrection.   

Rejection has no place in my life because I am your son.  
Rejection has no place in my life because you have called me your own.  

Rejection has no place in my life because you knew me and know me and will know me.  

Rejection has no place in my life because Christ’s love fills my life.  

Where there is light, darkness flees.

Lord I need your son’s blood to flow through these gaping wounds.

Just like the light through the cracks which continues to break down the mortar until the entire wall will shudder at the mention of your name.

I need to feel your acceptance, and know it in my heart.  I want to know that you love me, and feel that you love me and know that no matter what happens in this life in regards to relationships you will always be there for me.  You have my best intentions in mind, and even though in the past and even now I feel like it has always been deny, deny, deny, I know you want to bless me, I know you want to give, give, GIVE

 Yet for some reason this doesn’t resonate in my heart,

 It doesn’t connect.  

There’s something broken.

Run, you will just get hurt again, and you will never find someone who will love you for you.  You will never be satisfied and God is just a big tease.  These are all lies.  All lies from the pit, yet they crept into my mind last night without warning, after an amazing weekend, filled with the Spirit, filled with the Father. Filled with a cross that was filled with the Son sent to a grave that couldn’t hold him and now He is filling each one of our hearts.

And so I pray, I fight. 

I fight against the pit of hell and all of its schemes to hold me in this place.  And I beg and I petition and cry out for the lies to stop, and for blood to flow to wash my heart clean and oh that I could be white as snow. I pray again, in the name of the Son that even though I suffer that it would not be for long, and I praise for the fact that a good work is being produced, and I pray for endurance because it’s not by my strength.

Let the promises ring true and resonate in my heart for everlasting 

No longer is my worth found in the outside and the things that I put on.
You have shown my true beauty when you’ve torn down the walls that I have desperately built in an attempt to remain safe and to cover.

So how do I do tomorrow?

Look to me.



Run the race set before you.  Do all that you can in the strength I provide.  Bring forth the kingdom of heaven to this earth.  Proclaim MY glory in YOUR life, and never forget the redemption that has taken place.

I believe you are doing a great work in my life again Lord.  I believe in this relationship you are tearing down the walls that have restrained my heart.  I believe you are addressing this; I believe you are tearing down; I believe you are rebuilding; I believe in your glory.

And so the next day a dear friend of mine who spends every Tuesday night on the mattress in the family room knocks:

“Will, I’ve been fighting God all morning about this because I know you’re busy studying, but I have got to share Acts 2 with you”

So I stop what I’m doing and we read together.  Nothing resonates at first until we get to David’s psalm being quoted by Peter during his message at Pentecost:

“I saw the Lord always before me,
for he is at my right hand that I may not be shaken;
therefore my heart was glad, and my tongue rejoiced;
my flesh also will dwell in hope.
For you will not abandon my soul to Hades,
or let your Holy One see corruption.
You have made known to me the paths of life;
you will make me full of gladness with your presence.’

He talks to me and tells me about the psychology course we took together last semester.  He shares how he realized he had been finding reasons for everything he had done in the past, and how that affects his behaviour in the present.  He talks about the past and how it can snare and make excuses and hold back and keep still.  He then tells me that Jesus has made new; and I remember.

The past is remarkable because it can proclaim tales of redemption, or like stagnant waters, it can contain and withhold.  I’m a new creation, and the work of the cross vanquished the past that contains.  Yes hurt and pain have tarnished and we’re still living in the kingdom that has come and the kingdom that remains but that doesn’t mean we’re torn.  Because every day I am given the strength and everything I need to face whatever scheme is coming my way.

And the night before is a testament to that fact - That just as I called on my Saviour he provided the next day and sends the light of His Word to my rescue; to satisfy, to replenish, and to restore.

 “I write to you, young men, because you are strong, 
and the word of God abides in you, and you have overcome the evil one.”
  • 1 John 2:14


  1. Wow, what a brilliant piece. I know where Will gets his writing talent. :) This really spoke to me and I know my own son will benefit, so I sent him the link. God bless.

  2. That was really encouraging, Will! Thank you.

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  4. Thanks for sharing your heart Will, very encouraging and full of hope
    It was good to see you playing last Sunday morning.