I sit here wondering what if I could see all God sees, of course I would never be able to handle that, that's what tripped man up in the garden. I am then reminded what Scripture says in Psalm 91: 11, 12 "He will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone..." Do I understand the depth of those words...that I am not just here day by day by chance or because of my own doing, my own looking after myself...but it's God's doing...His GRACE...His provision...His protection. And if His angels need keep watch over me...then why? Because there are other powers and principalities at work in this world. Do I know the depth of God's love for me...how often do I live this life I have been given in my own strength...thinking it's all me...that I am in control...Lord forgive me for living that way. I so much want to know more and more the depth of His love and His GRACE.
I still struggle with these simple little things that I write in my journal that I am thankful for...things like sunshine, a daughter's smile, a hug from my son, joy in someones voice, grocery stores, laughter, etc. These all seem so very trivial in light of the brokenness in this world, all you need to do is watch 5 minutes of the world news to see the devastation out there and I'm sitting here warm and cosy living in freedom and thankful for sunshine and laughter...
Why do I struggle...regardless of the world's brokenness these simple little things I write down are still things to be grateful for, they are gifts of His GRACE in my life. I think it's that I feel guilty, foolish and possibly shameful for expressing these seemingly silly perhaps meaningless things in light of the big picture of life in this broken world. Yet in my feelings of guilt and shame for what I have do I then shove back what I have been given into the Hands of the God who loves me and sent His Son to die for me. You see I can feel kind of silly for some of the things I see as gifts...some of the things I write down in this journal. I live in a world where children go missing and yet I get concerned and worried because my cat has been gone all night and doesn't come back first thing in the morning and then when he comes back I write it in my journal as something I'm grateful for.
So why is there this measuring stick in my hand...
Maybe through this journaling, this stick that I measure things with will be broken and I can live freely in the light of His glory and GRACE, knowing that there is no shame in being grateful for even the seemingly small things even though there be devastation elsewhere that is no reason not to thank Him.
Gifts journaled for days 11 -17
31. God who knows/sees all
32. Encouraging words
34. Mild winter's day with sunshine
35. Pots clanging in the kitchen - Charissa doing the dishes
36. Able to do a large family photo shoot outside
37. Breakfast made by my husband
38. Fog over the snow covered fields shrouding the barren trees - beautiful!
39. A break in the rain so I could do another family photo shoot outside
40. Clementine came back
41. My son helping me understand some of the Photoshop program
42. Husband reminding me of GRACE when I feel I've failed
43. A daughter's smile
44. Fresh winter's air
46. Gorgeous day - sun shining
47. Hug from son
48. Kids sitting around chatting
49. Joy in someones voice
50. Grocery stores