There was a time when I wondered when God would drop the hammer on me and would take something away that I dearly loved…not the material things…but life…relationship. What went through my mind was that I was so blessed and surely there would come a time when what I had would be taken away…it's like I expected it from Him. I felt guilty for the life I had and even though it wasn't perfect it was still good and one day it would end. I knew in my head that God was a good God and that He didn't delight in taking things from His children but somehow in the far corner of my heart I always had this deep fear.
Over time this has changed in me and I now know in my heart that God is a good God and He is for me not against me. We live in a broken and fallen world and there is brokenness all around. But He isn't a God who delights in causing me pain or suffering. And so I no longer have this fear that one day He will take everything away and I will be left all alone…that is gone and for that I am so thankful. I know He is a God who loves me unconditionally…He is for me, not against me. He is God in control no matter what comes my way.
My hearts cry now is "God, if anything ever happens…if ever one of those I love is taken away may I never let go of you. And in the darkness when I lose my way please hold onto me." I admit that at times I do wonder when He will ask me to walk through the darkness, through that wilderness where it seems you're all alone, but I don't dwell on that. I anticipate that one day suffering will come and it has come and He is a faithful God in that.
Yet today my heart cries for another…those I know who now have to walk through the valley of death…the valley of suffering…the valley of pain, sorrow, loss and grief. And my heart breaks for them. I prayed…others prayed for healing, for restoration, for life and yet it wasn't to be. And I don't want to ask God "why?" He knows the big picture, we live in a fallen broken world and there will be suffering but I do wonder why is it that when we pray for healing it doesn't come, when you desperately pray, when you beg the God of heaven and it doesn't come…why? All I can pray now is Lord be near to them in their suffering, hold them close in the shelter of your wing and may their hearts not be turned from You but drawn to You…the God of mercy and grace…the Sovereign God. And I think that's what I hang onto…that He is a Sovereign God and that He holds His children in the palm of His hand. Nothing that comes against us can separate us from Him and His love.
But I have a hard time shaking the why…why when I cry out, when the Body of Christ cries out…why does healing not come? In John 14: 12 Jesus says to his disciples "I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask for anything in my name, and I will do it." Jesus healed the sick, he rose the dead…He said we would do even greater things…so why, why when we all pray for healing does it not come? Is our faith weak? Yet what I come up with is He is God, He is Sovereign and He is in control. And just as there have been many times when my children did not understand my answer and had to trust…so do I, so do we. Do I trust God even when I don't understand...do I believe in His Sovereignty?
But I have a hard time shaking the why…why when I cry out, when the Body of Christ cries out…why does healing not come? In John 14: 12 Jesus says to his disciples "I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask for anything in my name, and I will do it." Jesus healed the sick, he rose the dead…He said we would do even greater things…so why, why when we all pray for healing does it not come? Is our faith weak? Yet what I come up with is He is God, He is Sovereign and He is in control. And just as there have been many times when my children did not understand my answer and had to trust…so do I, so do we. Do I trust God even when I don't understand...do I believe in His Sovereignty?
I know His heart breaks to see His children in pain. That beautiful verse in John speaks of His love. Lazarus was dead, Jesus saw the people weeping and He was deeply moved and He wept. The God of heaven come down to be among the fallen and broken…the God who had everything and gave up everything to live among us…wept. So I know today He weeps for those who weep…He is a God of a compassion we can never fully understand…He loves deeply…fully…Sovereignly…
He promises that one day…one day His dwelling will once again be among us and He will live with us. He will wipe every tear from our eyes and there will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away…Revelation 21: 3, 4
Lovely B/W images, Tina, and reminder of God's love.
ReplyDeleteSuch a beautiful post that does give hope. The last image is a perfect way to punctuate the end of the post. I have had traumatic experiences and loss and it has made me hypervigilant, wondering who or what is next. Perhaps I should adopt the prayer and attitude that you have shared here. Thank you. :)
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